It's been awhile. I've been trying to muster the desire to go on a date or to write about not going on a date. At times, I've thought about joining a convent, literally. It sounded nice. No worries about a job, dates, or what to wear. In the long run though, it would never work for me. I don't like the shoes nuns have to wear. They kind of look like Famolare's on a good day. I do look good with short hair and hats though.
In the end, I wasn't having fun with this blog anymore. As much as I wanted to try and have fun it just wasn't there. I have a really bad habit of not liking something as soon as it's forced upon me. (Blame it on my childhood.) When the idea of dating became something I "had to do" it lost it's fun. I felt pressure to find dates, go on dates, and meet more people. I got to a point, in my convent stage, where I just wanted to stay home by myself with a good show and my cute dog.
I'm still in the convent stage but I'm sure I'll come out of it at some point. Summer is coming, I think, and that usually puts a spring in my step.
So, for now, and maybe for good - I'm backing off the blog. Thanks for reading and who knows, maybe it will revive itself or maybe I'll find a new topic.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Love is in the Air
The last two weeks have felt like a lot longer. I flew to Cape Town, South Africa for work. I was there and back in one week. Ouch. So much "ouch" that I came home with Shingles. It's put a cramp in my dating life, mostly because I've been pretty exhausted. I am, hopefully, getting back on the horse this week.
I did have the fantasy that I might meet someone lovely on my 25 hour flight. I figure how often are you confined to such a small space with potential dates all around.
On my return flight from Cape Town to Amsterdam, my luck changed. In the window seat was a fairly good looking guy and we chatted a bit while we waited to see if the middle seat would be filled. It was filled and then some. A very good looking, very tall and slender guy took up that seat. Yeah for me! Unfortunately it was a night flight so our first date consisted of just sleeping together. It felt very odd, on the few occasions when I'd wake up, to see this lovely man sleeping next to me. I felt a little like cuddling closer to him. As it was we shifted from sleeping face to face to spooning.
In the end, we only talked as we were nearing Amsterdam. He was headed home to Barcelona, returning from two weeks vacation in Cape Town.
Oh well, maybe flights aren't the best place to meet someone.
I did have the fantasy that I might meet someone lovely on my 25 hour flight. I figure how often are you confined to such a small space with potential dates all around.
On my return flight from Cape Town to Amsterdam, my luck changed. In the window seat was a fairly good looking guy and we chatted a bit while we waited to see if the middle seat would be filled. It was filled and then some. A very good looking, very tall and slender guy took up that seat. Yeah for me! Unfortunately it was a night flight so our first date consisted of just sleeping together. It felt very odd, on the few occasions when I'd wake up, to see this lovely man sleeping next to me. I felt a little like cuddling closer to him. As it was we shifted from sleeping face to face to spooning.
In the end, we only talked as we were nearing Amsterdam. He was headed home to Barcelona, returning from two weeks vacation in Cape Town.
Oh well, maybe flights aren't the best place to meet someone.
Control
It's been awhile since I last posted. I kind of lost momentum in the last couple of weeks. The last date I had was the last week of February. I was able to squeeze in one date for the month. I didn't make quota but at least I got one date. It was a set-up from a friend. We didn't have much in common - he's a republican & a hunter - but it's all about having fun and finding out more about myself. I'm not sure the date re-confirmed anything for me but it was a nice night out. He was a very nice guy.
Since looking back on the date, I realized something about myself and/or men and/or dating today.
This guy invited me to a really nice restaurant in Seattle. I actually felt like I might need to dress up a little. It was a really sweet gesture. He also paid and wouldn't let me pay for anything. This has been my experience since I started this project. I haven't paid for a thing on any date unless I really insist and they only let me if it's something small like a round of drinks. Now, this is really nice and a great way to manage my budget. However, it has me thinking about a few things.
When I was in my twenty's, I would always insist on paying my half. My thinking was that I didn't want to owe the guy anything. I felt if we kept it even than we were on a level playing field.
A few years ago a good guy friend of mine suggested, in his opinion, that you need to let a guy feel like a guy. Let him make the plans, even if they suck. You need to let him feel like he's in charge and that he's a man. Well, I'm starting to believe he's right. I dated a guy a few months ago who was younger and just starting out in his career. I think it really bothered him that I was successful in my career and could take care of myself. I didn't really "need" him and I think all his past girlfriends needed him. There was a moment when we were making some plans and I told him "I don't know what I'm doing, you are in charge". It was like I flipped some switch with him. The following week I was getting all sorts of gooshy text messages from him. I loved it. I had no idea that a simple gesture like releasing control could make such a difference.
I've struggled with trying to control things over the last few years. I think I let things get too out of control with a past relationship and lost myself completely.
I think you have to know who you are and what you want in order to give up control to another person. You aren't really giving up control. You're letting go of your ego. It was hard but it was really ok for me to say "you're in charge". I felt really good doing it. The benefits of me doing that were completely unexpected. I'd do it again in a second.
I've found that on all these dates, I no longer have a problem letting the guy pay for everything. It makes him feel good to pay. I think it's nice that I offer but they feel better knowing that they can handle it. And my ego really isn't so big anymore that I can't let someone else feel good for a moment.
Since looking back on the date, I realized something about myself and/or men and/or dating today.
This guy invited me to a really nice restaurant in Seattle. I actually felt like I might need to dress up a little. It was a really sweet gesture. He also paid and wouldn't let me pay for anything. This has been my experience since I started this project. I haven't paid for a thing on any date unless I really insist and they only let me if it's something small like a round of drinks. Now, this is really nice and a great way to manage my budget. However, it has me thinking about a few things.
When I was in my twenty's, I would always insist on paying my half. My thinking was that I didn't want to owe the guy anything. I felt if we kept it even than we were on a level playing field.
A few years ago a good guy friend of mine suggested, in his opinion, that you need to let a guy feel like a guy. Let him make the plans, even if they suck. You need to let him feel like he's in charge and that he's a man. Well, I'm starting to believe he's right. I dated a guy a few months ago who was younger and just starting out in his career. I think it really bothered him that I was successful in my career and could take care of myself. I didn't really "need" him and I think all his past girlfriends needed him. There was a moment when we were making some plans and I told him "I don't know what I'm doing, you are in charge". It was like I flipped some switch with him. The following week I was getting all sorts of gooshy text messages from him. I loved it. I had no idea that a simple gesture like releasing control could make such a difference.
I've struggled with trying to control things over the last few years. I think I let things get too out of control with a past relationship and lost myself completely.
I think you have to know who you are and what you want in order to give up control to another person. You aren't really giving up control. You're letting go of your ego. It was hard but it was really ok for me to say "you're in charge". I felt really good doing it. The benefits of me doing that were completely unexpected. I'd do it again in a second.
I've found that on all these dates, I no longer have a problem letting the guy pay for everything. It makes him feel good to pay. I think it's nice that I offer but they feel better knowing that they can handle it. And my ego really isn't so big anymore that I can't let someone else feel good for a moment.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Checking In
The month of February has only 6 nights left in it and I haven't had a single date this month. A friend, and fan of the blog, is doing her part to help my project and has introduced me to someone who I hope to go out with on Thursday. We are comically worlds apart (or cosmically), which my friend knows but she's doing her part for my cause and dating education. Thank her when I write up that date.
Honestly I found myself really frustrated and burnt out this month. Two months into this dating project and I was already feeling this way? That's either a really scary foreshadowing of my future or it says something about dating in this day and age. I think part of my burn out was that I jumped into this with so much enthusiasm in January and signed myself up for a bunch of activities in addition to dates and before I knew it I had no time to myself. I really need downtime to re-charge and face the world. When I don’t have it I get really grumpy and my fuse grows short.
I think the other thing is that I really feel that this should be easier. I know that there are so many good single people in Seattle that don’t want to be single anymore. For some reason, connecting to these people has been challenging in the past.
When I was in college, and even post-college, finding someone that I liked and wanted to date was so incredibly easy. I remember my senior year of college I had broken up with one guy and immediately started dating another guy. I came out of the Business School one afternoon to find a rose on the right side of the windshield of my car and a note on the left side of the windshield. The rose was from the new guy and the note from the old guy (complaining about how he wanted to leave me a note and there was already a rose on the windshield). I had men fighting over me! About a year ago I found an old diary and one entry was like a laundry list of guys that I liked and me debating over which one I liked more and should date. I wish I had this problem right now.
Back to the easy theme and today – part of me feels like I’m doing this whole process because there’s some lesson for me to experience and something to learn about myself. I have the ability/good fortune/frustration of knowing that everything is going to be ok. I can feel and know that I’m not going to be single forever and I will end up with an amazing guy. The frustration is going through these experiences because I need to, because they get me to where I need to be in the long run & trying to be patient with the process and timeline.
This goes back to the theme of it should be easier. I kind of feel like I’m doing all of this, just to do it, and its not really about meeting someone. It actually wasn’t ever supposed to be about meeting someone. Maybe I lost the original intent of the blog the last month. It was to have fun and learn something about myself. It wasn’t about meeting the guy of my dreams.
I have these angel cards. They have one word on them and you can pick a card each day or whatever you like. The angel card that I’ve picked twice in the last 3 days is “Play”. I’ve been hard on myself this month trying to hit my dating quota & forgot to have fun. I’m very goal oriented so maybe it was a bad idea to give myself a quota.
March kicks off with a twenty-five hour flight to Cape Town, South Africa. Maybe it’s possible to meet someone nice while confined to an airplane cabin for that length of time. Even if the person sitting next to me isn’t up to snuff I can probably make my way to the galley and see who else is hanging around. I did meet someone on my flight back from San Francisco last weekend. It was actually a very woo-woo meeting. He came up to talk with me in the gate waiting area. Once I got on the plane I ended up changing seats so that a father and son could sit together and I found myself sitting next to the same guy from the gate area. I found out that we both have a fascination with quantum physics but I was too hung over to continue that discussion on the flight. He gave me his business card and we’ve emailed so perhaps that could develop into a date.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Wanted: Sales Rep
I have found that in addition to working my regular job, I'm now a sales rep for myself and my dating project. It's exhausting.
I find myself culling for date leads. If someone tells me once that they might possibly have someone that they kind of know, that's a lead. I then have to follow up with this person to find out a few things about this possible date. Is he actually single? No. End of lead. Is he single and interested in being set-up? No. End of lead. I keep going around and around trying to find out who's an actual reasonable lead for a date. That leads me to the "qualified lead stage". Once I have a qualified lead, the next step is to connect us via email or the phone. We have a conversation and make a date. Sale complete! Well, technically the sale isn't complete until we go on the date. Once that happens the date goes towards my sales quota of 2 dates per month. January was a good month. I had 3 dates! That tied the record for all of last year.
So far February is slow. However, I'm a big believer in sandbagging. For those without the sales lingo, that means that I say I've got nothing and the last week of the month I'll bring in my sales, I mean go on dates, and hit my quota. That's pretty much what I did in January. I'm a procrastinator and work better under pressure.
I have a couple of leads for this month. They are both unqualified leads right now. Two other leads that I thought would hit this month moved to the March sales, I mean date window. I'm definitely sandbagging those and moving them for sure to March so that I hit my quota that month.
I'm still enjoying this experience and really thankful for how it's opened me up to trying out a lot of new things and experiences. I kind of equate it to getting dressed for a night out and I'm trying on lots of different outfits to see what's perfect to wear. Some pants are too loose, some shirts too tight. I'm trying to find out what's just right for me.
I had a second date with the "B" named guy from my last entry. It was nice enough but I didn't feel like the conversation was overly interesting, easy, or stimulating. My week had been really busy and I was exhausted and ready to end the night fairly early. I think that's legitimate but I think if I really, really liked him I would have been energized by his company and not noticed how tired I was feeling. C'est la vie.
I find myself culling for date leads. If someone tells me once that they might possibly have someone that they kind of know, that's a lead. I then have to follow up with this person to find out a few things about this possible date. Is he actually single? No. End of lead. Is he single and interested in being set-up? No. End of lead. I keep going around and around trying to find out who's an actual reasonable lead for a date. That leads me to the "qualified lead stage". Once I have a qualified lead, the next step is to connect us via email or the phone. We have a conversation and make a date. Sale complete! Well, technically the sale isn't complete until we go on the date. Once that happens the date goes towards my sales quota of 2 dates per month. January was a good month. I had 3 dates! That tied the record for all of last year.
So far February is slow. However, I'm a big believer in sandbagging. For those without the sales lingo, that means that I say I've got nothing and the last week of the month I'll bring in my sales, I mean go on dates, and hit my quota. That's pretty much what I did in January. I'm a procrastinator and work better under pressure.
I have a couple of leads for this month. They are both unqualified leads right now. Two other leads that I thought would hit this month moved to the March sales, I mean date window. I'm definitely sandbagging those and moving them for sure to March so that I hit my quota that month.
I'm still enjoying this experience and really thankful for how it's opened me up to trying out a lot of new things and experiences. I kind of equate it to getting dressed for a night out and I'm trying on lots of different outfits to see what's perfect to wear. Some pants are too loose, some shirts too tight. I'm trying to find out what's just right for me.
I had a second date with the "B" named guy from my last entry. It was nice enough but I didn't feel like the conversation was overly interesting, easy, or stimulating. My week had been really busy and I was exhausted and ready to end the night fairly early. I think that's legitimate but I think if I really, really liked him I would have been energized by his company and not noticed how tired I was feeling. C'est la vie.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Is this what's called "dating", because if it is, I'm in the middle of Date-o-Rama
What a week. I’m exhausted. I had my first bowling night on Tuesday, two dates, and I volunteered for the first time on Saturday. Whew! It was all for the blog. I have to admit, I’m having a blast. I don’t know if I’ve ever had two dates in one week. All the other activities are great too. I’ve been a homebody recently and it makes it pretty hard to meet anyone when all you do is work and stay at home. I think I can definitely say I’m out of my homebody rut and now I’m looking forward to a nice ebb and flow of social outings.
I was debating using fake names or any names for that matter on the date recaps below or moving forward. If I go on more dates with either person, I think it will make it easier for me to refer to their fake names than say, “the guy who I went to dinner with”. So, that being said, the names below have been changed to protect everyone’s privacy.
My first date was with, Adam, a guy that I went on a couple of dates with last year. We reconnected a few months ago but couldn’t find a time to connect. We ended up going out to eat and to a show. I had a great time. I always have a great time with him. He’s incredibly generous and seems very loyal to those that he cares about. Unfortunately, I’m just not feeling it. I’ve tried really hard to see if I can’t get those feelings. I’ve been accused of being too quick to make a judgment about whether I like someone or not. The thing is, I just know when I have a connection with someone. It can even be with someone who is just a friend. I’ve gained some good friends in this manner. Unfortunately, I haven’t found that any feelings have grown by continuing to spend more time with this guy. I wish it could be different but I think it is probably time to have a talk and see if he’s open to just hanging out as friends. I have no idea if that will fly but I hope it does. I would love to hang out with him again.
Friday night I went out on my first official set-up since starting the blog. The set-up came through a woman I met through another girlfriend. We don’t know each other really well, for example, I saw her back in December for the first time since early 2008. Anyway, she was one of many, many people who I sent my email request for set-ups. She enthusiastically responded by setting me up with her friend, Brian. We met for happy hour downtown.
I like happy hour for a set-up. When you don’t know anything about each other, you have no idea if an hour will be too short or way too long. I think it’s better to just have this short interaction with each other and if you actually like each other you can easily go out again. I’d rather look forward to another date than continue to glance at the time and wish for it to fly.
We had a great time talking and spent more than an hour getting to know each other. I found out that we know a few of the same people. I find this comforting, somewhat annoying, and a reoccurring situation in Seattle.
When you are searching for common ground with someone you know nothing about, finding out that you know the same people tells you a few things about the other person. First, it immediately puts the person into a nice little box. Everyone talks about how bad it is to put someone in a box but we all do it. We like nice little packages and categories for defining people. Second, it means, hopefully that this person is not a murderer. Now, I watch a lot of true crime stories, so my theory here isn’t very solid. Perfectly nice law abiding police officers and ministers murder their wives all the time. Hopefully though my chances of being murdered on a first date with someone I don’t know is lessened by the fact that we know the same people.
The fact that we know the same people can also be annoying when they are actually people that you don’t like or want distance from. I don’t really have that overwhelming feeling about our friends in common on this occasion but it could be a problem in the future.
Seattle can feel like a small city when you cross paths with someone that knows the same people as you do. I think it can feel a little disheartening when you are trying to meet someone new and you just cross paths with the same groups over and over again. You might start thinking you’ve met everyone you could meet in one city. Thankfully, I don’t feel that way.
Back to the date – we had a nice conversation, covering all the basic first date topics: childhood, college, work, recreation, and music. As we were saying good-bye he mentioned that he’d like to go out again. I think I’d have a good time going out with him again. I’m not feeling any chemistry from one date but as one of my guy friends suggested to me a few years ago, I must give it at least two dates before I make any decisions. This doesn't support my "I just know when I have a connection with someone" feeling but at this point I don't think it hurts to go on a second date.
Both of these guys are in my age group, meaning they are the same age or a few years older. Both seem, if I can be so bold, highly interested in another date. I can confidentially say I am interested in another date, only because I think it would be fun. I don’t feel attracted to either guy. I don’t feel like I have chemistry with either one.
Is going out with someone just because it would be fun a legitimate reason for going out on a date? Is this what people call “dating”. I really don’t think I’ve ever dated. I’ve only been in relationships. I met someone. I really liked them. I had a relationship with them for a period of time. I’ve never gone out repeatedly with someone when there wasn’t an immediate attraction or an objective in mind.
I guess this is the whole point of this blog experiment and my intention for the year. I want to have fun, be creative and play. I suppose going out on dates without a goal in mind fits my intention for the year. Hopefully I can stay out of my head long enough to continue with that intention and just enjoy myself. As long as I’m honest with the people I’m spending time with and they are in agreement, than it’s okay right?
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Bowling for Love
Last night I went to my first bowling league night. I signed up for the league thinking it could be a good way to meet people and have some fun. The league is part of a low pressure, social sports group that organizes activities in addition to bowling. I joined a group like this when I first moved to Seattle and it was a great way to meet people. I played indoor and beach volleyball as well as flag football for probably four years. I stayed in touch with the people I met and hung out with them socially for some time.
I joined this league as an independent player so the league basically was responsible for pairing me up with a team. As per usual, I didn’t really think about all of this until I drove into the parking lot of the bowling alley. I saw a much older, gray haired man lumbering out of his car and heading into the building. I immediately realized that I had no idea if there were any perimeters to this organization. I didn’t know anything about who participates. I just assumed it was like the group I did when I was 24. Since my intention for signing up was less about improving my bowling score and definitely about meeting people to go on dates with, I panicked. My mind flashed to the team I would be paired with and I thought they might be a bunch of duds. I thought there might not be any social interaction except with my team and my five-week commitment of bowling could drag on. I reminded myself that I was here to have fun and not to take it too seriously. This is was a quick pep talk since I was already walking into the building as I gave it to myself.
Once I got into the building, I quickly saw that there was a wide range of ages and social groups. Perfect. I found my way to my team’s lane and waited to meet my teammates.
One by one my teammates showed up. I was the only woman there that night so it was three guys and me. They were all really nice guys and all engineers. Two had just moved to town and the other one had been here a couple of years. Guy #1, had just moved here for a job five months ago and was a recent college graduate. Guy #2 had moved here for a job two and a half years ago and worked at Microsoft. Guy #3, I will call Andy Roddick because he looks like Andy Roddick. I love Andy Roddick…the real one. For those that don’t know, he is a professional tennis player, one of the top ten in the world. I watch tennis tournaments just to see him because of his powerhouse serves and forward stance but also because he’s really cute.
Anyway, I think guy #3 or Andy Roddick, might have date potential. I have no idea how old he is but I’m guessing somewhere between 25-27. I think that’s an improvement on the Russian’s age. He seemed interesting and was pushing for all of us on the team to go golf. I explained I don’t golf and I would just slow them down but he insisted. We’ll see if I brave that adventure or push for something more my speed like miniature golf.
Either way, I'm glad I signed up for the league. I think it will be a lot of fun and there seems to be potential to meet a lot of people. Everyone took the night lightly and wasn't too serious about their bowling game. Thank goodness since that is just my speed, unlike one of my teammates, who owns a bowling ball.
I joined this league as an independent player so the league basically was responsible for pairing me up with a team. As per usual, I didn’t really think about all of this until I drove into the parking lot of the bowling alley. I saw a much older, gray haired man lumbering out of his car and heading into the building. I immediately realized that I had no idea if there were any perimeters to this organization. I didn’t know anything about who participates. I just assumed it was like the group I did when I was 24. Since my intention for signing up was less about improving my bowling score and definitely about meeting people to go on dates with, I panicked. My mind flashed to the team I would be paired with and I thought they might be a bunch of duds. I thought there might not be any social interaction except with my team and my five-week commitment of bowling could drag on. I reminded myself that I was here to have fun and not to take it too seriously. This is was a quick pep talk since I was already walking into the building as I gave it to myself.
Once I got into the building, I quickly saw that there was a wide range of ages and social groups. Perfect. I found my way to my team’s lane and waited to meet my teammates.
One by one my teammates showed up. I was the only woman there that night so it was three guys and me. They were all really nice guys and all engineers. Two had just moved to town and the other one had been here a couple of years. Guy #1, had just moved here for a job five months ago and was a recent college graduate. Guy #2 had moved here for a job two and a half years ago and worked at Microsoft. Guy #3, I will call Andy Roddick because he looks like Andy Roddick. I love Andy Roddick…the real one. For those that don’t know, he is a professional tennis player, one of the top ten in the world. I watch tennis tournaments just to see him because of his powerhouse serves and forward stance but also because he’s really cute.
Anyway, I think guy #3 or Andy Roddick, might have date potential. I have no idea how old he is but I’m guessing somewhere between 25-27. I think that’s an improvement on the Russian’s age. He seemed interesting and was pushing for all of us on the team to go golf. I explained I don’t golf and I would just slow them down but he insisted. We’ll see if I brave that adventure or push for something more my speed like miniature golf.
Either way, I'm glad I signed up for the league. I think it will be a lot of fun and there seems to be potential to meet a lot of people. Everyone took the night lightly and wasn't too serious about their bowling game. Thank goodness since that is just my speed, unlike one of my teammates, who owns a bowling ball.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
The Russian
Earlier this week I was craving a lamb burger by a pub in Fremont. It’s really phenomenal. I decided to take myself out for it with the plan to sit at the bar and see what happened. I kind of didn’t want to make my evening about the blog but I figured it was a good opportunity. I brought a book along to entertain myself in case there wasn’t anyone to talk to.
I walked in and immediately looked at the bar. There was a cute guy sitting at the end with two seats open next to him. I didn’t want to sit by him for some reason. He kind of looked like an ex or maybe I just wanted to have a different experience. I walked the length of the bar and there wasn’t another seat open. Nuts. I went back down and asked him if anyone was sitting there. I plopped down, placed my order, and opened my book. He was kind of slumped over in his chair a bit and the bartender came and asked him what was wrong. They knew each other. He mentioned being tired so I had to ask, “Why are you so tired”. That started the conversation. Vladi* had just started an intense school program. He also worked at the bar on weekends. We were having a great time talking. I figured he was probably around 28. Young, but again I’m just here for the experience of meeting and dating people. He mentioned his dad was so old. I asked him how old to which he responded 50. Ah…I wouldn’t say that was so old. If that’s old, wait, how old are you? He asked me to guess and I just got the feeling that he was only 21. I was right. I asked the age of his mother. Thirty-nine…a year older than me. Ewww.
I guess the age issue didn’t matter that much since we continued to talk for three hours. I had a great time talking to him. He was really interesting and easy to talk to. In my brave new world of meeting people and asking someone out, I decided to try it out on him. I suggested we go out some time. He enthusiastically responded, “When?” As we started going through our schedules we realized the next two weeks were really busy for both of us with both of us heading out of town. He suggested that we just go out right then, that night. I didn’t have any plans either than curling up on the couch to watch TV so I said ok.
We headed out in the Fremont neighborhood trying to decide between live music or playing pool. He wanted to play me in pool so we headed to the Dubliner pub. It’s the only place I could think of within walking distance that had a pool table. It’s a beat up little bar. It’s a bit like something out of a movie with an incredible cast of quirky characters. We headed into the bar and tried our luck at darts but the machine was broken and neither of us was up for doing darts the old-fashioned way, with math. He decided to talk the pool sharks into letting us play a round of pool against each other instead of putting them through the misery of playing us. They agreed and Vladi quickly beat me at the game.
After that we started talking with two old salty dogs in the bar. One, Jameson* was an Irish boatsman and poet. He was fantastic. He had a thick white beard and white hair and drank his namesake on the rocks. He even recited a poem to me. The other guy engaged in a conversation with Vladi while Jameson and I discussed poetry.
It was a completely unexpected evening and I had a great time. Vladi and I decided to call it a night after a couple of hours at the bar. He had an early morning class. We headed back to our cars, behaved for a short moment like Italians on a city street, and exchanged phone numbers.
Whether or not I ever go out with him again isn’t really the point for me. I took a few chances that night. I went to a bar alone, I asked someone out, and went out with him. It was a great experience and honestly pretty easy. I think there are probably harder things to do and harder situations where you might meet someone and ask them out. I think that’s the next challenge.
If the opportunity arises to go out with Vladi again, I will. I had fun. Is it serious? Hardly. He’s 21. This is about figuring out what works and doesn’t work for me. Although I already knew that dating someone 17 years younger than me isn’t the best match. We’re worlds apart in terms of where we are in our lives and what we want. When I suggested we go out on a Sunday night he asked me, “Who goes out on Sunday”? People who aren’t 21 I guess.
* Names are changed.
I walked in and immediately looked at the bar. There was a cute guy sitting at the end with two seats open next to him. I didn’t want to sit by him for some reason. He kind of looked like an ex or maybe I just wanted to have a different experience. I walked the length of the bar and there wasn’t another seat open. Nuts. I went back down and asked him if anyone was sitting there. I plopped down, placed my order, and opened my book. He was kind of slumped over in his chair a bit and the bartender came and asked him what was wrong. They knew each other. He mentioned being tired so I had to ask, “Why are you so tired”. That started the conversation. Vladi* had just started an intense school program. He also worked at the bar on weekends. We were having a great time talking. I figured he was probably around 28. Young, but again I’m just here for the experience of meeting and dating people. He mentioned his dad was so old. I asked him how old to which he responded 50. Ah…I wouldn’t say that was so old. If that’s old, wait, how old are you? He asked me to guess and I just got the feeling that he was only 21. I was right. I asked the age of his mother. Thirty-nine…a year older than me. Ewww.
I guess the age issue didn’t matter that much since we continued to talk for three hours. I had a great time talking to him. He was really interesting and easy to talk to. In my brave new world of meeting people and asking someone out, I decided to try it out on him. I suggested we go out some time. He enthusiastically responded, “When?” As we started going through our schedules we realized the next two weeks were really busy for both of us with both of us heading out of town. He suggested that we just go out right then, that night. I didn’t have any plans either than curling up on the couch to watch TV so I said ok.
We headed out in the Fremont neighborhood trying to decide between live music or playing pool. He wanted to play me in pool so we headed to the Dubliner pub. It’s the only place I could think of within walking distance that had a pool table. It’s a beat up little bar. It’s a bit like something out of a movie with an incredible cast of quirky characters. We headed into the bar and tried our luck at darts but the machine was broken and neither of us was up for doing darts the old-fashioned way, with math. He decided to talk the pool sharks into letting us play a round of pool against each other instead of putting them through the misery of playing us. They agreed and Vladi quickly beat me at the game.
After that we started talking with two old salty dogs in the bar. One, Jameson* was an Irish boatsman and poet. He was fantastic. He had a thick white beard and white hair and drank his namesake on the rocks. He even recited a poem to me. The other guy engaged in a conversation with Vladi while Jameson and I discussed poetry.
It was a completely unexpected evening and I had a great time. Vladi and I decided to call it a night after a couple of hours at the bar. He had an early morning class. We headed back to our cars, behaved for a short moment like Italians on a city street, and exchanged phone numbers.
Whether or not I ever go out with him again isn’t really the point for me. I took a few chances that night. I went to a bar alone, I asked someone out, and went out with him. It was a great experience and honestly pretty easy. I think there are probably harder things to do and harder situations where you might meet someone and ask them out. I think that’s the next challenge.
If the opportunity arises to go out with Vladi again, I will. I had fun. Is it serious? Hardly. He’s 21. This is about figuring out what works and doesn’t work for me. Although I already knew that dating someone 17 years younger than me isn’t the best match. We’re worlds apart in terms of where we are in our lives and what we want. When I suggested we go out on a Sunday night he asked me, “Who goes out on Sunday”? People who aren’t 21 I guess.
* Names are changed.
Advice & Concerns
Since announcing my intention to do this blog, I’ve received a lot of comments and been surprised by the interest people have in it. People have chimed in with suggestions, advice, and concerns about my plans. I didn’t overanalyze my idea. I just decided I wanted to do it and moved forward with my plans. I rarely make decisions so quickly. I think I spent one entire year debating the purchase of a laundry basket. I couldn’t justify spending $100 on a laundry basket so I kept using a nasty plastic one that was ripping apart. I eventually made the decision to purchase a new laundry basket and I’m pretty happy about my choice.
I figure there are reasons we make some decisions quickly and others we labor over. If I thought too long about my idea to do this blog I think it’s highly possible I wouldn’t have done it. It’s a personal topic and I’ve just asked the entire world to participate in it. I think I was under the misconceived notion that I would do it in a bubble and it might only be interesting to my mom. However, all that being said, sometimes the only way to make something happen is to write it down…whether it’s a goal to lose 10 pounds or make a certain salary in a year. Once you write it down it becomes real. I’ve made my project real by asking everyone to participate. I’ve realized too that the enthusiasm everyone is sending my way is because everyone can relate. Everyone has been in and out of relationships, gone on first dates, and probably asked someone out. Everyone has ideas about what worked for them or their friends. So thank you for the suggestions and ideas.
I thought it would be interesting for everyone to know some avenues I’m pursuing outside of the set ups by friends. I have signed up to volunteer on a few occasions and one is through a group that has a social/networking slant to their volunteer projects. I’m also joining a social club’s bowling league. I’ve signed up to play tennis again. I am also pursuing all the regular hot spots to meet people – coffee shops, bars, and classes, maybe even church! The whole project is an experiment for me and it’s meant to be fun. I don’t want to take anything too seriously.
I’ve also received concerns that I will make fun of the people who I date. That’s not the point of the blog. The point is about my experience of trying to meet a guy, go on a date, and discover things about myself through the process. Now, if the guy does something incredibly funny I will have to write about it. I can’t leave it out but I won’t make fun of them.
So with all those concerns aside and more details on the ground rules for this process, send the set ups my way! I’ve had a handful of people mention that they’ve got someone for me and I’m excited to meet them.
I figure there are reasons we make some decisions quickly and others we labor over. If I thought too long about my idea to do this blog I think it’s highly possible I wouldn’t have done it. It’s a personal topic and I’ve just asked the entire world to participate in it. I think I was under the misconceived notion that I would do it in a bubble and it might only be interesting to my mom. However, all that being said, sometimes the only way to make something happen is to write it down…whether it’s a goal to lose 10 pounds or make a certain salary in a year. Once you write it down it becomes real. I’ve made my project real by asking everyone to participate. I’ve realized too that the enthusiasm everyone is sending my way is because everyone can relate. Everyone has been in and out of relationships, gone on first dates, and probably asked someone out. Everyone has ideas about what worked for them or their friends. So thank you for the suggestions and ideas.
I thought it would be interesting for everyone to know some avenues I’m pursuing outside of the set ups by friends. I have signed up to volunteer on a few occasions and one is through a group that has a social/networking slant to their volunteer projects. I’m also joining a social club’s bowling league. I’ve signed up to play tennis again. I am also pursuing all the regular hot spots to meet people – coffee shops, bars, and classes, maybe even church! The whole project is an experiment for me and it’s meant to be fun. I don’t want to take anything too seriously.
I’ve also received concerns that I will make fun of the people who I date. That’s not the point of the blog. The point is about my experience of trying to meet a guy, go on a date, and discover things about myself through the process. Now, if the guy does something incredibly funny I will have to write about it. I can’t leave it out but I won’t make fun of them.
So with all those concerns aside and more details on the ground rules for this process, send the set ups my way! I’ve had a handful of people mention that they’ve got someone for me and I’m excited to meet them.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Getting Started
It’s January 1st and following in the footsteps of many people, I am kicking off the year with an intention. It’s not a resolution and it’s not a goal. It’s an intention to have fun, play, and be creative. As I was thinking about how I could incorporate these items into my life I thought about one thing I’ve wanted to do more of – write. For three years I’ve been looking for a writing outlet. I wanted to start a blog but I didn’t know my topic.
I realized that I also wanted to date more this year. In the past, I have not been a good “dater”. I tend to just date no one or be in a relationship. The one time I had two dates in the same week with guys I met online, I mixed up information they gave me about themselves.
I quickly put two & two together and came up with the idea to do a blog about dating. I didn’t want to do it through the new methods so many people use today – match.com, eharmony, etc. I’ve tried these sites and I know that they work for some people, but I have a hard time with them. They require tons of time to weed through the hundreds of matches that the site provides to you. Also, I’ve encountered people on these sites who seem to want to date someone but the moment you respond to them they run the other direction. It’s like a turtle going back into its shell.
My approach to dating will include asking friends, colleagues, neighbors, etc. to set me up with an eligible single male. I’m not going to be too prescriptive about what kind of guy I like. I don’t want to narrow down my options right out of the gate. Also, I want this to be fun. I don’t want everyone to over think the set-up. We’re over thinking enough these days and this should just be fun. The only questions that need to be asked are: Is he single? Does he want to go on a set-up? Does he have a job? Does he shower? Does he have a criminal record? The answers to those questions should be: yes, yes, yes, yes, no.
I will also be doing my part by asking men out. This is going to be the really challenging part of this project. People in Seattle don’t look at each other or talk to strangers. I’ll need to get really creative about how I meet people and how I get to the point of asking someone out. I’ve never asked a guy out on a date unless it was by sheer accident. This will be interesting for me and I think I’ll have fun with it. It feels a bit like a game or a challenge to me to see if I can do it.
My plan is to go on at least 2 dates a month. This might not seem like a lot but I think I had 3 dates total last year. I’ll blog about each experience from how the date came to be, what we did, and my thoughts about it. If the opportunity for a 2nd date with the same person occurs, this won’t go towards the 2 dates a month count. We’ll consider it a bonus date that month. Lastly, for privacy sake, I’ll change the guy’s names.
I hope you enjoy hearing about my experiences & if you know of someone you want to set me up with, please let me know!
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