The last two weeks have felt like a lot longer. I flew to Cape Town, South Africa for work. I was there and back in one week. Ouch. So much "ouch" that I came home with Shingles. It's put a cramp in my dating life, mostly because I've been pretty exhausted. I am, hopefully, getting back on the horse this week.
I did have the fantasy that I might meet someone lovely on my 25 hour flight. I figure how often are you confined to such a small space with potential dates all around.
On my return flight from Cape Town to Amsterdam, my luck changed. In the window seat was a fairly good looking guy and we chatted a bit while we waited to see if the middle seat would be filled. It was filled and then some. A very good looking, very tall and slender guy took up that seat. Yeah for me! Unfortunately it was a night flight so our first date consisted of just sleeping together. It felt very odd, on the few occasions when I'd wake up, to see this lovely man sleeping next to me. I felt a little like cuddling closer to him. As it was we shifted from sleeping face to face to spooning.
In the end, we only talked as we were nearing Amsterdam. He was headed home to Barcelona, returning from two weeks vacation in Cape Town.
Oh well, maybe flights aren't the best place to meet someone.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Control
It's been awhile since I last posted. I kind of lost momentum in the last couple of weeks. The last date I had was the last week of February. I was able to squeeze in one date for the month. I didn't make quota but at least I got one date. It was a set-up from a friend. We didn't have much in common - he's a republican & a hunter - but it's all about having fun and finding out more about myself. I'm not sure the date re-confirmed anything for me but it was a nice night out. He was a very nice guy.
Since looking back on the date, I realized something about myself and/or men and/or dating today.
This guy invited me to a really nice restaurant in Seattle. I actually felt like I might need to dress up a little. It was a really sweet gesture. He also paid and wouldn't let me pay for anything. This has been my experience since I started this project. I haven't paid for a thing on any date unless I really insist and they only let me if it's something small like a round of drinks. Now, this is really nice and a great way to manage my budget. However, it has me thinking about a few things.
When I was in my twenty's, I would always insist on paying my half. My thinking was that I didn't want to owe the guy anything. I felt if we kept it even than we were on a level playing field.
A few years ago a good guy friend of mine suggested, in his opinion, that you need to let a guy feel like a guy. Let him make the plans, even if they suck. You need to let him feel like he's in charge and that he's a man. Well, I'm starting to believe he's right. I dated a guy a few months ago who was younger and just starting out in his career. I think it really bothered him that I was successful in my career and could take care of myself. I didn't really "need" him and I think all his past girlfriends needed him. There was a moment when we were making some plans and I told him "I don't know what I'm doing, you are in charge". It was like I flipped some switch with him. The following week I was getting all sorts of gooshy text messages from him. I loved it. I had no idea that a simple gesture like releasing control could make such a difference.
I've struggled with trying to control things over the last few years. I think I let things get too out of control with a past relationship and lost myself completely.
I think you have to know who you are and what you want in order to give up control to another person. You aren't really giving up control. You're letting go of your ego. It was hard but it was really ok for me to say "you're in charge". I felt really good doing it. The benefits of me doing that were completely unexpected. I'd do it again in a second.
I've found that on all these dates, I no longer have a problem letting the guy pay for everything. It makes him feel good to pay. I think it's nice that I offer but they feel better knowing that they can handle it. And my ego really isn't so big anymore that I can't let someone else feel good for a moment.
Since looking back on the date, I realized something about myself and/or men and/or dating today.
This guy invited me to a really nice restaurant in Seattle. I actually felt like I might need to dress up a little. It was a really sweet gesture. He also paid and wouldn't let me pay for anything. This has been my experience since I started this project. I haven't paid for a thing on any date unless I really insist and they only let me if it's something small like a round of drinks. Now, this is really nice and a great way to manage my budget. However, it has me thinking about a few things.
When I was in my twenty's, I would always insist on paying my half. My thinking was that I didn't want to owe the guy anything. I felt if we kept it even than we were on a level playing field.
A few years ago a good guy friend of mine suggested, in his opinion, that you need to let a guy feel like a guy. Let him make the plans, even if they suck. You need to let him feel like he's in charge and that he's a man. Well, I'm starting to believe he's right. I dated a guy a few months ago who was younger and just starting out in his career. I think it really bothered him that I was successful in my career and could take care of myself. I didn't really "need" him and I think all his past girlfriends needed him. There was a moment when we were making some plans and I told him "I don't know what I'm doing, you are in charge". It was like I flipped some switch with him. The following week I was getting all sorts of gooshy text messages from him. I loved it. I had no idea that a simple gesture like releasing control could make such a difference.
I've struggled with trying to control things over the last few years. I think I let things get too out of control with a past relationship and lost myself completely.
I think you have to know who you are and what you want in order to give up control to another person. You aren't really giving up control. You're letting go of your ego. It was hard but it was really ok for me to say "you're in charge". I felt really good doing it. The benefits of me doing that were completely unexpected. I'd do it again in a second.
I've found that on all these dates, I no longer have a problem letting the guy pay for everything. It makes him feel good to pay. I think it's nice that I offer but they feel better knowing that they can handle it. And my ego really isn't so big anymore that I can't let someone else feel good for a moment.
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