Is this what's called "dating", because if it is, I'm in the middle of Date-o-Rama

What a week. I’m exhausted. I had my first bowling night on Tuesday, two dates, and I volunteered for the first time on Saturday. Whew! It was all for the blog. I have to admit, I’m having a blast. I don’t know if I’ve ever had two dates in one week. All the other activities are great too. I’ve been a homebody recently and it makes it pretty hard to meet anyone when all you do is work and stay at home. I think I can definitely say I’m out of my homebody rut and now I’m looking forward to a nice ebb and flow of social outings.

I was debating using fake names or any names for that matter on the date recaps below or moving forward. If I go on more dates with either person, I think it will make it easier for me to refer to their fake names than say, “the guy who I went to dinner with”. So, that being said, the names below have been changed to protect everyone’s privacy.

My first date was with, Adam, a guy that I went on a couple of dates with last year. We reconnected a few months ago but couldn’t find a time to connect. We ended up going out to eat and to a show. I had a great time. I always have a great time with him. He’s incredibly generous and seems very loyal to those that he cares about. Unfortunately, I’m just not feeling it. I’ve tried really hard to see if I can’t get those feelings. I’ve been accused of being too quick to make a judgment about whether I like someone or not. The thing is, I just know when I have a connection with someone. It can even be with someone who is just a friend. I’ve gained some good friends in this manner. Unfortunately, I haven’t found that any feelings have grown by continuing to spend more time with this guy. I wish it could be different but I think it is probably time to have a talk and see if he’s open to just hanging out as friends. I have no idea if that will fly but I hope it does. I would love to hang out with him again.

Friday night I went out on my first official set-up since starting the blog. The set-up came through a woman I met through another girlfriend. We don’t know each other really well, for example, I saw her back in December for the first time since early 2008. Anyway, she was one of many, many people who I sent my email request for set-ups. She enthusiastically responded by setting me up with her friend, Brian. We met for happy hour downtown.

I like happy hour for a set-up. When you don’t know anything about each other, you have no idea if an hour will be too short or way too long. I think it’s better to just have this short interaction with each other and if you actually like each other you can easily go out again. I’d rather look forward to another date than continue to glance at the time and wish for it to fly.

We had a great time talking and spent more than an hour getting to know each other. I found out that we know a few of the same people. I find this comforting, somewhat annoying, and a reoccurring situation in Seattle.

When you are searching for common ground with someone you know nothing about, finding out that you know the same people tells you a few things about the other person. First, it immediately puts the person into a nice little box. Everyone talks about how bad it is to put someone in a box but we all do it. We like nice little packages and categories for defining people. Second, it means, hopefully that this person is not a murderer. Now, I watch a lot of true crime stories, so my theory here isn’t very solid. Perfectly nice law abiding police officers and ministers murder their wives all the time. Hopefully though my chances of being murdered on a first date with someone I don’t know is lessened by the fact that we know the same people.

The fact that we know the same people can also be annoying when they are actually people that you don’t like or want distance from. I don’t really have that overwhelming feeling about our friends in common on this occasion but it could be a problem in the future.

Seattle can feel like a small city when you cross paths with someone that knows the same people as you do. I think it can feel a little disheartening when you are trying to meet someone new and you just cross paths with the same groups over and over again. You might start thinking you’ve met everyone you could meet in one city. Thankfully, I don’t feel that way.

Back to the date – we had a nice conversation, covering all the basic first date topics: childhood, college, work, recreation, and music. As we were saying good-bye he mentioned that he’d like to go out again. I think I’d have a good time going out with him again. I’m not feeling any chemistry from one date but as one of my guy friends suggested to me a few years ago, I must give it at least two dates before I make any decisions. This doesn't support my "I just know when I have a connection with someone" feeling but at this point I don't think it hurts to go on a second date.

Both of these guys are in my age group, meaning they are the same age or a few years older. Both seem, if I can be so bold, highly interested in another date. I can confidentially say I am interested in another date, only because I think it would be fun. I don’t feel attracted to either guy. I don’t feel like I have chemistry with either one.

Is going out with someone just because it would be fun a legitimate reason for going out on a date? Is this what people call “dating”. I really don’t think I’ve ever dated. I’ve only been in relationships. I met someone. I really liked them. I had a relationship with them for a period of time. I’ve never gone out repeatedly with someone when there wasn’t an immediate attraction or an objective in mind.

I guess this is the whole point of this blog experiment and my intention for the year. I want to have fun, be creative and play. I suppose going out on dates without a goal in mind fits my intention for the year. Hopefully I can stay out of my head long enough to continue with that intention and just enjoy myself. As long as I’m honest with the people I’m spending time with and they are in agreement, than it’s okay right?

Bowling for Love

Last night I went to my first bowling league night. I signed up for the league thinking it could be a good way to meet people and have some fun. The league is part of a low pressure, social sports group that organizes activities in addition to bowling. I joined a group like this when I first moved to Seattle and it was a great way to meet people. I played indoor and beach volleyball as well as flag football for probably four years. I stayed in touch with the people I met and hung out with them socially for some time.
I joined this league as an independent player so the league basically was responsible for pairing me up with a team. As per usual, I didn’t really think about all of this until I drove into the parking lot of the bowling alley. I saw a much older, gray haired man lumbering out of his car and heading into the building. I immediately realized that I had no idea if there were any perimeters to this organization. I didn’t know anything about who participates. I just assumed it was like the group I did when I was 24. Since my intention for signing up was less about improving my bowling score and definitely about meeting people to go on dates with, I panicked. My mind flashed to the team I would be paired with and I thought they might be a bunch of duds. I thought there might not be any social interaction except with my team and my five-week commitment of bowling could drag on. I reminded myself that I was here to have fun and not to take it too seriously. This is was a quick pep talk since I was already walking into the building as I gave it to myself.
Once I got into the building, I quickly saw that there was a wide range of ages and social groups. Perfect. I found my way to my team’s lane and waited to meet my teammates.
One by one my teammates showed up. I was the only woman there that night so it was three guys and me. They were all really nice guys and all engineers. Two had just moved to town and the other one had been here a couple of years. Guy #1, had just moved here for a job five months ago and was a recent college graduate. Guy #2 had moved here for a job two and a half years ago and worked at Microsoft. Guy #3, I will call Andy Roddick because he looks like Andy Roddick. I love Andy Roddick…the real one. For those that don’t know, he is a professional tennis player, one of the top ten in the world. I watch tennis tournaments just to see him because of his powerhouse serves and forward stance but also because he’s really cute.
Anyway, I think guy #3 or Andy Roddick, might have date potential. I have no idea how old he is but I’m guessing somewhere between 25-27. I think that’s an improvement on the Russian’s age. He seemed interesting and was pushing for all of us on the team to go golf. I explained I don’t golf and I would just slow them down but he insisted. We’ll see if I brave that adventure or push for something more my speed like miniature golf.
Either way, I'm glad I signed up for the league. I think it will be a lot of fun and there seems to be potential to meet a lot of people. Everyone took the night lightly and wasn't too serious about their bowling game. Thank goodness since that is just my speed, unlike one of my teammates, who owns a bowling ball.

The Russian

Earlier this week I was craving a lamb burger by a pub in Fremont. It’s really phenomenal. I decided to take myself out for it with the plan to sit at the bar and see what happened. I kind of didn’t want to make my evening about the blog but I figured it was a good opportunity. I brought a book along to entertain myself in case there wasn’t anyone to talk to.
I walked in and immediately looked at the bar. There was a cute guy sitting at the end with two seats open next to him. I didn’t want to sit by him for some reason. He kind of looked like an ex or maybe I just wanted to have a different experience. I walked the length of the bar and there wasn’t another seat open. Nuts. I went back down and asked him if anyone was sitting there. I plopped down, placed my order, and opened my book. He was kind of slumped over in his chair a bit and the bartender came and asked him what was wrong. They knew each other. He mentioned being tired so I had to ask, “Why are you so tired”. That started the conversation. Vladi* had just started an intense school program. He also worked at the bar on weekends. We were having a great time talking. I figured he was probably around 28. Young, but again I’m just here for the experience of meeting and dating people. He mentioned his dad was so old. I asked him how old to which he responded 50. Ah…I wouldn’t say that was so old. If that’s old, wait, how old are you? He asked me to guess and I just got the feeling that he was only 21. I was right. I asked the age of his mother. Thirty-nine…a year older than me. Ewww.

I guess the age issue didn’t matter that much since we continued to talk for three hours. I had a great time talking to him. He was really interesting and easy to talk to. In my brave new world of meeting people and asking someone out, I decided to try it out on him. I suggested we go out some time. He enthusiastically responded, “When?” As we started going through our schedules we realized the next two weeks were really busy for both of us with both of us heading out of town. He suggested that we just go out right then, that night. I didn’t have any plans either than curling up on the couch to watch TV so I said ok.
We headed out in the Fremont neighborhood trying to decide between live music or playing pool. He wanted to play me in pool so we headed to the Dubliner pub. It’s the only place I could think of within walking distance that had a pool table. It’s a beat up little bar. It’s a bit like something out of a movie with an incredible cast of quirky characters. We headed into the bar and tried our luck at darts but the machine was broken and neither of us was up for doing darts the old-fashioned way, with math. He decided to talk the pool sharks into letting us play a round of pool against each other instead of putting them through the misery of playing us. They agreed and Vladi quickly beat me at the game.
After that we started talking with two old salty dogs in the bar. One, Jameson* was an Irish boatsman and poet. He was fantastic. He had a thick white beard and white hair and drank his namesake on the rocks. He even recited a poem to me. The other guy engaged in a conversation with Vladi while Jameson and I discussed poetry.
It was a completely unexpected evening and I had a great time. Vladi and I decided to call it a night after a couple of hours at the bar. He had an early morning class. We headed back to our cars, behaved for a short moment like Italians on a city street, and exchanged phone numbers.
Whether or not I ever go out with him again isn’t really the point for me. I took a few chances that night. I went to a bar alone, I asked someone out, and went out with him. It was a great experience and honestly pretty easy. I think there are probably harder things to do and harder situations where you might meet someone and ask them out. I think that’s the next challenge.
If the opportunity arises to go out with Vladi again, I will. I had fun. Is it serious? Hardly. He’s 21. This is about figuring out what works and doesn’t work for me. Although I already knew that dating someone 17 years younger than me isn’t the best match. We’re worlds apart in terms of where we are in our lives and what we want. When I suggested we go out on a Sunday night he asked me, “Who goes out on Sunday”? People who aren’t 21 I guess.

* Names are changed.

Advice & Concerns

Since announcing my intention to do this blog, I’ve received a lot of comments and been surprised by the interest people have in it. People have chimed in with suggestions, advice, and concerns about my plans. I didn’t overanalyze my idea. I just decided I wanted to do it and moved forward with my plans. I rarely make decisions so quickly. I think I spent one entire year debating the purchase of a laundry basket. I couldn’t justify spending $100 on a laundry basket so I kept using a nasty plastic one that was ripping apart. I eventually made the decision to purchase a new laundry basket and I’m pretty happy about my choice.
I figure there are reasons we make some decisions quickly and others we labor over. If I thought too long about my idea to do this blog I think it’s highly possible I wouldn’t have done it. It’s a personal topic and I’ve just asked the entire world to participate in it. I think I was under the misconceived notion that I would do it in a bubble and it might only be interesting to my mom. However, all that being said, sometimes the only way to make something happen is to write it down…whether it’s a goal to lose 10 pounds or make a certain salary in a year. Once you write it down it becomes real. I’ve made my project real by asking everyone to participate. I’ve realized too that the enthusiasm everyone is sending my way is because everyone can relate. Everyone has been in and out of relationships, gone on first dates, and probably asked someone out. Everyone has ideas about what worked for them or their friends. So thank you for the suggestions and ideas.
I thought it would be interesting for everyone to know some avenues I’m pursuing outside of the set ups by friends. I have signed up to volunteer on a few occasions and one is through a group that has a social/networking slant to their volunteer projects. I’m also joining a social club’s bowling league. I’ve signed up to play tennis again. I am also pursuing all the regular hot spots to meet people – coffee shops, bars, and classes, maybe even church! The whole project is an experiment for me and it’s meant to be fun. I don’t want to take anything too seriously.
I’ve also received concerns that I will make fun of the people who I date. That’s not the point of the blog. The point is about my experience of trying to meet a guy, go on a date, and discover things about myself through the process. Now, if the guy does something incredibly funny I will have to write about it. I can’t leave it out but I won’t make fun of them.
So with all those concerns aside and more details on the ground rules for this process, send the set ups my way! I’ve had a handful of people mention that they’ve got someone for me and I’m excited to meet them.

Getting Started

It’s January 1^st and following in the footsteps of many people, I am kicking off the year with an intention. It’s not a resolution and it’s not a goal. It’s an intention to have fun, play, and be creative. As I was thinking about how I could incorporate these items into my life I thought about one thing I’ve wanted to do more of – write. For three years I’ve been looking for a writing outlet. I wanted to start a blog but I didn’t know my topic.

I realized that I also wanted to date more this year. In the past, I have not been a good “dater”. I tend to just date no one or be in a relationship. The one time I had two dates in the same week with guys I met online, I mixed up information they gave me about themselves.

I quickly put two & two together and came up with the idea to do a blog about dating. I didn’t want to do it through the new methods so many people use today – match.com, eharmony, etc. I’ve tried these sites and I know that they work for some people, but I have a hard time with them. They require tons of time to weed through the hundreds of matches that the site provides to you. Also, I’ve encountered people on these sites who seem to want to date someone but the moment you respond to them they run the other direction. It’s like a turtle going back into its shell.

My approach to dating will include asking friends, colleagues, neighbors, etc. to set me up with an eligible single male. I’m not going to be too prescriptive about what kind of guy I like. I don’t want to narrow down my options right out of the gate. Also, I want this to be fun. I don’t want everyone to over think the set-up. We’re over thinking enough these days and this should just be fun. The only questions that need to be asked are: Is he single? Does he want to go on a set-up? Does he have a job? Does he shower? Does he have a criminal record? The answers to those questions should be: yes, yes, yes, yes, no.

I will also be doing my part by asking men out. This is going to be the really challenging part of this project. People in Seattle don’t look at each other or talk to strangers. I’ll need to get really creative about how I meet people and how I get to the point of asking someone out. I’ve never asked a guy out on a date unless it was by sheer accident. This will be interesting for me and I think I’ll have fun with it. It feels a bit like a game or a challenge to me to see if I can do it.

My plan is to go on at least 2 dates a month. This might not seem like a lot but I think I had 3 dates total last year. I’ll blog about each experience from how the date came to be, what we did, and my thoughts about it. If the opportunity for a 2^nd date with the same person occurs, this won’t go towards the 2 dates a month count. We’ll consider it a bonus date that month. Lastly, for privacy sake, I’ll change the guy’s names.

I hope you enjoy hearing about my experiences & if you know of someone you want to set me up with, please let me know!