What a week. I’m exhausted. I had my first bowling night on Tuesday, two dates, and I volunteered for the first time on Saturday. Whew! It was all for the blog. I have to admit, I’m having a blast. I don’t know if I’ve ever had two dates in one week. All the other activities are great too. I’ve been a homebody recently and it makes it pretty hard to meet anyone when all you do is work and stay at home. I think I can definitely say I’m out of my homebody rut and now I’m looking forward to a nice ebb and flow of social outings.
I was debating using fake names or any names for that matter on the date recaps below or moving forward. If I go on more dates with either person, I think it will make it easier for me to refer to their fake names than say, “the guy who I went to dinner with”. So, that being said, the names below have been changed to protect everyone’s privacy.
My first date was with, Adam, a guy that I went on a couple of dates with last year. We reconnected a few months ago but couldn’t find a time to connect. We ended up going out to eat and to a show. I had a great time. I always have a great time with him. He’s incredibly generous and seems very loyal to those that he cares about. Unfortunately, I’m just not feeling it. I’ve tried really hard to see if I can’t get those feelings. I’ve been accused of being too quick to make a judgment about whether I like someone or not. The thing is, I just know when I have a connection with someone. It can even be with someone who is just a friend. I’ve gained some good friends in this manner. Unfortunately, I haven’t found that any feelings have grown by continuing to spend more time with this guy. I wish it could be different but I think it is probably time to have a talk and see if he’s open to just hanging out as friends. I have no idea if that will fly but I hope it does. I would love to hang out with him again.
Friday night I went out on my first official set-up since starting the blog. The set-up came through a woman I met through another girlfriend. We don’t know each other really well, for example, I saw her back in December for the first time since early 2008. Anyway, she was one of many, many people who I sent my email request for set-ups. She enthusiastically responded by setting me up with her friend, Brian. We met for happy hour downtown.
I like happy hour for a set-up. When you don’t know anything about each other, you have no idea if an hour will be too short or way too long. I think it’s better to just have this short interaction with each other and if you actually like each other you can easily go out again. I’d rather look forward to another date than continue to glance at the time and wish for it to fly.
We had a great time talking and spent more than an hour getting to know each other. I found out that we know a few of the same people. I find this comforting, somewhat annoying, and a reoccurring situation in Seattle.
When you are searching for common ground with someone you know nothing about, finding out that you know the same people tells you a few things about the other person. First, it immediately puts the person into a nice little box. Everyone talks about how bad it is to put someone in a box but we all do it. We like nice little packages and categories for defining people. Second, it means, hopefully that this person is not a murderer. Now, I watch a lot of true crime stories, so my theory here isn’t very solid. Perfectly nice law abiding police officers and ministers murder their wives all the time. Hopefully though my chances of being murdered on a first date with someone I don’t know is lessened by the fact that we know the same people.
The fact that we know the same people can also be annoying when they are actually people that you don’t like or want distance from. I don’t really have that overwhelming feeling about our friends in common on this occasion but it could be a problem in the future.
Seattle can feel like a small city when you cross paths with someone that knows the same people as you do. I think it can feel a little disheartening when you are trying to meet someone new and you just cross paths with the same groups over and over again. You might start thinking you’ve met everyone you could meet in one city. Thankfully, I don’t feel that way.
Back to the date – we had a nice conversation, covering all the basic first date topics: childhood, college, work, recreation, and music. As we were saying good-bye he mentioned that he’d like to go out again. I think I’d have a good time going out with him again. I’m not feeling any chemistry from one date but as one of my guy friends suggested to me a few years ago, I must give it at least two dates before I make any decisions. This doesn't support my "I just know when I have a connection with someone" feeling but at this point I don't think it hurts to go on a second date.
Both of these guys are in my age group, meaning they are the same age or a few years older. Both seem, if I can be so bold, highly interested in another date. I can confidentially say I am interested in another date, only because I think it would be fun. I don’t feel attracted to either guy. I don’t feel like I have chemistry with either one.
Is going out with someone just because it would be fun a legitimate reason for going out on a date? Is this what people call “dating”. I really don’t think I’ve ever dated. I’ve only been in relationships. I met someone. I really liked them. I had a relationship with them for a period of time. I’ve never gone out repeatedly with someone when there wasn’t an immediate attraction or an objective in mind.
I guess this is the whole point of this blog experiment and my intention for the year. I want to have fun, be creative and play. I suppose going out on dates without a goal in mind fits my intention for the year. Hopefully I can stay out of my head long enough to continue with that intention and just enjoy myself. As long as I’m honest with the people I’m spending time with and they are in agreement, than it’s okay right?
Worth noting, my husband and I hung out as friends for just short of a year. I had a boyfriend at the time.Also he was 8 years younger than me, I had never looked at him as a date. That changed when I began (slowly) to realize I missed hanging out with him when we had gone while without touching base.
ReplyDeleteIt dawned slowly, there are more details but that's the just of it. We have been married ten years.
So...it kind of shoots down alot of the age, chemistry theories. Also note, he knew no one I knew, although we agree on moral issues and most (but not all) political issues, we are very opposite people. And we are happy. Really content and happy.
Moral to the story, you are doing everything right Kristen. As you said, don't overthink it.