Control

It's been awhile since I last posted. I kind of lost momentum in the last couple of weeks. The last date I had was the last week of February. I was able to squeeze in one date for the month. I didn't make quota but at least I got one date. It was a set-up from a friend. We didn't have much in common - he's a republican & a hunter - but it's all about having fun and finding out more about myself. I'm not sure the date re-confirmed anything for me but it was a nice night out. He was a very nice guy.
Since looking back on the date, I realized something about myself and/or men and/or dating today.
This guy invited me to a really nice restaurant in Seattle. I actually felt like I might need to dress up a little. It was a really sweet gesture. He also paid and wouldn't let me pay for anything. This has been my experience since I started this project. I haven't paid for a thing on any date unless I really insist and they only let me if it's something small like a round of drinks. Now, this is really nice and a great way to manage my budget. However, it has me thinking about a few things.
When I was in my twenty's, I would always insist on paying my half. My thinking was that I didn't want to owe the guy anything. I felt if we kept it even than we were on a level playing field.
A few years ago a good guy friend of mine suggested, in his opinion, that you need to let a guy feel like a guy. Let him make the plans, even if they suck. You need to let him feel like he's in charge and that he's a man. Well, I'm starting to believe he's right. I dated a guy a few months ago who was younger and just starting out in his career. I think it really bothered him that I was successful in my career and could take care of myself. I didn't really "need" him and I think all his past girlfriends needed him. There was a moment when we were making some plans and I told him "I don't know what I'm doing, you are in charge". It was like I flipped some switch with him. The following week I was getting all sorts of gooshy text messages from him. I loved it. I had no idea that a simple gesture like releasing control could make such a difference.
I've struggled with trying to control things over the last few years. I think I let things get too out of control with a past relationship and lost myself completely.
I think you have to know who you are and what you want in order to give up control to another person. You aren't really giving up control. You're letting go of your ego. It was hard but it was really ok for me to say "you're in charge". I felt really good doing it. The benefits of me doing that were completely unexpected. I'd do it again in a second.
I've found that on all these dates, I no longer have a problem letting the guy pay for everything. It makes him feel good to pay. I think it's nice that I offer but they feel better knowing that they can handle it. And my ego really isn't so big anymore that I can't let someone else feel good for a moment.